Emotional Intelligence in Projects – Goleman's Idea

Published 2026-07-02 · The research behind Project-simulator

Two project managers with the same training and the same toolbox can get completely different results. One wins over a sceptical team; the other gets bogged down in conflict. The difference rarely lies in Gantt charts or risk matrices – it lies in the ability to read and manage emotions, your own and other people's.

In 1995, science journalist and psychologist Daniel Goleman published the book Emotional Intelligence, which made the concept world-famous. The research term itself had been coined a few years earlier by psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer, but it was Goleman's book that took it from the research journals into working life.

What does the research say?

Goleman's central thesis is that the ability to recognise and regulate your own emotions, and to perceive those of others, predicts how well we function with other people – beyond what pure cognitive ability (what IQ tests measure) can explain. He describes several component skills: self-awareness (noticing what you feel while it is happening), self-regulation (steering your impulses instead of being steered by them), motivation, empathy and social skill.

One important caveat: later research has shown that emotional intelligence matters for how we function in relationships and collaboration, but it does not replace competence or talent – it complements them. Some popular claims, such as the idea that emotional intelligence explains the bulk of all success, lack support. The cautious conclusion is still more than enough for a project manager: in professions built on getting people to work together, emotional skills carry real weight.

Goleman also highlights something hopeful: unlike IQ, which is relatively stable, emotional skills can be developed throughout life. They are exactly that – skills – and skills can be trained, provided you become aware of your own reactions and practise in situations where they are actually triggered.

What does this mean for you as a project manager?

Start with self-awareness. Before a difficult conversation – a delay has to be reported to a steering committee, a team member is underperforming – notice your own emotion first. Irritated? Worried? Anyone who walks into a conversation without knowing what they themselves feel lets the emotion take over covertly: the tone gets sharper than intended, or the message gets wrapped up until it disappears.

Then practise the pause between impulse and action. When a stakeholder goes on the attack in a meeting, the natural reaction is to defend yourself immediately. Self-regulation does not mean suppressing the emotion, but buying yourself a second to choose your response: "I can hear that you're frustrated – tell me what worries you most."

And use empathy diagnostically. Behind a "difficult" client there is almost always a worry: budget responsibility, prestige, fear of being steamrolled. The project manager who identifies the worry can address it; the one who only sees the difficulty ends up in trench warfare. A simple question – "what matters most to you here?" – often opens more doors than ten arguments.

How to train this

Emotions cannot be practised in theory – they have to be triggered before they can be managed. Project-simulator's scenarios are built to provoke real reactions: the other party gets defensive, interrupts you or puts you under pressure. Afterwards you see, in your own words, where you regulated yourself well and where impulse took over. Try it free for a week at project-simulator.com.